HEADING UP TO THE HOSPITAL IN A FEW MINUTES...

We are about to head up to the hospital to get a new lump checked out... very scared that Raymond's cancer has returned.  I am praying hard that it is not back. Can use all of the prayers we can get, so if you are seeing this, please bend God's ear on this. Raymond's disposition is not strong to be able to go through this again. He has already said that if the cancer is back, he'll just let it take him and he's not fighting. He's only 25 and that is the worst possible attitude to have. Cancer cells thrive on negativity and he's got that in abundance!! We're going up to Genesis... I'll keep everyone posted... PRAY, PLEASE!!!!

Tried harder...

I posted on Marines facebook page asking for help to get the message to Clayton about his brother. He probably already knows and just hasn't responded, but I just really wish that side of the family would put their differences with Raymond aside long enough to give him peace of mind so that he isn't dwelling on past mistakes. I want his mind clear, especially now. He is worried about the area where his surgery was done. Need to get his ID so that he can get in to the doc to get that checked. Until then, he'll keep worrying... I know from personal experience that untreated bipolar disorder is off-putting and that people disown you from their lives once you've done or said something you regret, but now is not the time to hold grudges!! This young man has just went through a whole summer of chemo, fighting a very aggressive form of cancer and his paternal side of the family did not even acknowledge his suffering, with the exception of his Grandma Young. They all have the link to this blog, yet have chosen to ignore it. I am just praying that it has not come back and that we are not headed for another four months of torture for Raymond. Please pray that the Holy Spirit move his paternal side of the family to compassion and understanding....

Well, I tried...

So, I sent letters to Raymond's dad and to his brother. No response from his dad, and he doesn't answer when Raymond calls him. I got the letter to Clayton back "attempted not known" and it was sent to his address to his unit on base, so that tells me he refused it. Also, I had someone message his stepmother from their fb page... She recieved a message from the stepmom asking who she was. She replied back with the reason for contacting her and now she's blocked from the stepmom's account. Nice. No matter how much I am estranged from my other son, Clayton, I could never stop loving him. Ray Sr., on the other hand, won't even swallow his pride despite a cancer scare for his namesake. Knowing his mother and father, I know he was raised with better morales than that. Shame on some people! Well, they all have this link and are able to follow Raymond's progress, should they ever grow a heart...

Been a long time between posts, but...

GOOD NEWS!! I think that Raymond is now cancer free!!  We'll know for sure after his labwork comes back. It's been a long hard road, but I am pretty sure the whole experience made Raymond a stronger person and one who appreciates his life a little more.

He got ahold of his dad yesterday. They were able to talk a bit. I'm glad about that. I know it meant the world to Raymond. He hates when he is at odds with his dad and brother.  I think the whole cancer battle made him realize just how short life really is. 

They do say "Everything happens for a reason..."

I Just Got Wonderfully Exciting News!

A lady I met through DUC on Facebook, Kat Vecchione, is a rock radio talk show host. She has agreed to interview Raymond and I live on her show to get awareness out about the struggles cancer patients and their families face during the journey!! My nephew, +Jordan Arnold is going to get the "RaymondsHope" website up and running before we do the interview so that it will be live right along with us on the air!

Kat told me that she is also a survivor! She had her last surgery for BC in January. Ironically, it was also the same month when Raymond had his FIRST surgery! 

I had absolutely no idea just how many people there are out there that are affected by cancer in one way or another until my son's diagnosis brought us to so many of them.  God wanted us to meet all of them because we are hearing so many inspiring stories of survival, strength, determination, and truly brave individuals that we have met. 

As I mentioned, Kat's radio talk show is live on Saturdays beginning @ 6pm Eastern time... Here is a link to the website. Feel free to share it with your friends and stop by to check it out live Saturday night! They have a live chat during the show, too.  Sounds like fun.

World Talk Rock Radio with Kat Vecchione on itsyourradio

LIVESTRONG DAY WAS A SUCCESS...

On behalf of cancer patients everywhere and their families, I want to thank anyone who visited the Livestrong site after reading the blog.  As per the post on my fb, the day was a success. The battle against cancer can not be won without the support of everyone!

Here is the link posted on my facebook today from Livestrong:

LIVESTRONG DAY A SUCCESS... 

PETITION TO CONGRESS

SIGN THIS PETITION TO MAKE CONGRESS ADDRESS FINANCIAL ISSUES REGARDING LONG TERM  SERVICES AND SUPPORT FOR DISABLED INDIVIDUALS:

ADD YOUR NAME TO THE PETITION 3,000 SIGNATURES STILL NEEDED!

LIVESTRONG DAY...

I got an email from Livestrong today regarding their "Livestrong Day"...

Here is the link....

LIVESTRONG DAY... Livestrong Foundation

All is Put To Right....

So, the Polk County Transit was highly dismayed to hear about how I was treated during what I now call "The Phone Call". They sent a representative over to the house to interview Raymond and he is now approved for his transportation. I'm glad they did the right thing.

Therefore, his second round of treatment started today.  Again, he is wiped out from it and his head hurts.  Luckily, he still has some of the pain pills left that my sisters bought for him. Four more days of the chemo and another week of the migraines and he'll have another two weeks of peace.

I asked the doctor today when we can officially call him "cancer-free" and she said, "After the chemo treatments are over, we'll do more scans and bloodwork to make sure it's all gone."  She sounded really optimistic when she said it.  Personally, I think it's "gone" now, but they are just making sure. The only thing that worries me is the fact that it's a "very aggressive" cancer and that sentence she said about it showing signs that it had "infiltrated the blood vessels" around where they had removed the mass.  I'm still unclear as to if she meant that it actually DID infiltrate or that it COULD HAVE infiltrated.  Either way, the chemo is going as planned and the lung/stomach scans were clear, with the exception of an enlarged lymph node... no, a "larger than normal" lymph node (meaning she wasn't overly concerned, but wasn't willing to take a chance with it, either).

So, it's off to bed for me.  Have to rest up to make phone calls tomorrow on Raymond's behalf plus another round of sitting in the hospital for the day.

Oh, yeah... received information from Patient Advocate Center.  Great resource for cancer patients (see address and phone # on HELPFUL WEBSITES page)

A Woman's Callous Words Spark a Mission ...

Just when I think we've got one of the issues causing undo stress dealt with, it rears it's ugly head once again!  

Before I begin, let me say that, although I AM extremely agitated right now with the memory of what occurred, I am NOT angry with the offensive woman. Rather, I feel sorry for her. I believe that she must be so miserable in her job that she feels the need to belittle others.  I pray for her that she has peace and happiness in other areas of her life. Really, all she accomplished in trying to humiliate me, was doing me a favor by strengthening my resolve to help others, and renew my will to fight this disease by my warrior, Raymond's, side! With the restructuring of this blog, people will now find any helpful information I come across right here in one place (see page 4, HELPFUL WEBSITES)



That being said, here is what occurred when I made a simple phone call to schedule Raymond's transportation for the week...

I thought we had settled the issue transportation to get Raymond to and from his chemotherapy appointments for 5 days each month, as well as to his other doctors appointments, through Polk County Transit. After all, PCT called Raymond directly to inform him that his application had been approved and to confirm his appointment time for Monday the 29th for his blood work at the hospital. The driver was on time, courteous, and professional. However, when I called Polk County Transit on Thursday to schedule this week's rides, a woman informed me that they won't transport him because Polk Healthcare Plan stated that his treatment was not a covered service.

WHAT?!?!

Not a covered service? Did I really hear her correctly? Surely she was mistaken. I told her that I would contact the Polk Healthcare Plan and get back with her. God Bless her soul, she actually called me back later on that day.  Her name was Katrina and she was very empathetic and kind. Let me publicly say, "Thank you, Katrina." I am still waiting for a call back from Polk County Transit's program director because they are going to try to approve Raymond under the Transportation Disadvantaged Program. X (fingers crossed!).

I then armed myself with the Member Services Handbook and dialed the PHP member services line.  Another woman informed me that transportation under the program is only provided for covered services and cancer treatment is not a covered service. Incredulous, I asked her "What do you mean, it's not a covered service? It is going to save his life! The only reason he even applied for the Polk Healthcare Plan was to have an insurance in place during the interim while his medicaid and disability are pending. That way he could begin getting better." Her reply to me... and I'm going to put quotation marks around her exact words as well as highlight it, mainly because I was in absolute shock that she would be so callous in the way that she said these words to a mother whose son is fighting for his life! She said, "Ma'am, we are a COUNTY PROGRAM, paid for by TAX DOLLARS, providing FREE services. Therefore, we will ONLY pay for the absolute minimum care. We will NOT cover the expensive stuff!" (all the words that are in caps is where she raised her voice at me) I even tried to tell her that not only was a tax payer more than half of my life, I also served my country in the United States Navy Seabees, but she didn't even hear me because she kept talking over me.

After picking my dignity up off the floor while catching my breath from the obvious low-blow, I then asked her if it is even worth my son keeping this so-called "health insurance"? In response to my querie she said, "Well sure! If he got the flu or broke his leg, we'd pay for it, (her voice dripping with sarcasm), but we are NOT an insurance company!" Basically, she was making it clear, very bluntly I might add, that the plan he is on will cover A.) ailments that can be actually be taken care of at home with over the counter medications, and B.) crisis situations that hospitals are bound by ethics to treat in emergency rooms, period.

What this tells me is that Polk Healthcare Plan is in place for the benefit of the doctors and hospitals more so than for the patients they contract to cover. Since the plan reimburses for services rendered (provided it falls under "covered benefits"), the doctors and medical facilities then don't get stuck with so many unpaid invoices when their accountants balance the books at the end of the fiscal year. As a result, the bottom lines look better to the government who then continue supplying the grant money for the PHP for another year. Actual life-saving treatments, those are considered (again, I quote) "too expensive". In any other business this would be called "cooking the books."

So, it's back to Google Search and researching alternate resources for me, since I refuse to give up, and I won't let my son give up either! I do have quite a few oars in the water already through several cancer organizations and individuals (please see the "HELPFUL WEBSITES" page of this blog).

I find myself sitting here imagining that the founders of these programs were ordinary folks,like you and me. Maybe they are either  a.) survivors themselves or b.) loved ones of a cancer patient, survivor, or victim, or c.) simply a philanthropist looking to do good works. I am willing to venture a guess that they once ran into the same red tape as Raymond and I are encountering. I can further speculate that some of these individuals started many of these foundations and nonprofits out of a sense of urgency to be a part of the solution to a very big problem. I can almost be certain of this because it's exactly the way I felt within moments of hearing that woman's contemptuous tone of voice and unkind words. Almost immediately I felt compelled to take RaymondsHope to the next level. Right now it's just our own little fundraiser to cover the unexpected expenses and help us clear the hurdles we are experiencing. However, after that phone call, I vow to evolve RaymondsHope into a nonprofit, fundraising organization whose soul mission will be to raise funds for cancer patients and their families. It is my sincere intention, God willing, that those affected by cancer can reach out to RaymondsHope with the confidence that they will never be made to feel like second class citizens, as that woman was clearly trying to do to me. As we traverse this minefield, I will be keeping track of the specific issues that we are running into, the services we are having trouble getting, and the necessities that aren't covered (i.e. certain medications, transportation to treatment, chemotherapy, etc.). Then, I will be aware of which areas of contention need to be the focus of RaymondsHope when setting future fundraising goals and events. I also plan to advocate on behalf of cancer patients. I am already in email contact with Representative Grayson (Florida's 9th District) and Senator Rubio. Senator Rubio gave me a direct phone # to call him if I "need any assistance with federal agencies".  Guess who will be getting a phone call on Monday morning regarding Polk Healthcare Plan and the transportation issue? Even though PHP is a county program, they are funded by the federal government and must follow the guidelines set forth under the program contract.  Under the American's With Disabilities Act, persons with disabilities are entitled to transportation to receive medical treatment if they are "transportation disadvantaged".  Neither Raymond nor I are physically able to drive and neither one of us possess a driver's license for that reason and there is no access to public transportation in the rural area of Davenport where we reside. Also, after I post tonight, a copy of this post is going to be emailed to the media (Action News Investigates). 

These are my plans for RaymondsHope in the near future, and you can hold me to it. At present, as you are well aware, we are in a battle and all of our energies must stay focused on the fight! When the war is over, though, count on RaymondsHope to be up and running, preparing to alleviate at least a portion of the stress that accompanies the uncertainty and fear that a cancer diagnosis invokes.


Thank you for continuing to follow Raymond's journey.  We hope that this blog become a source of hope and information for others. As always, I will continue to update the blog with Raymond's progress as we have many concerned family members and friends who reside in other states.

Well, Guy Howie, are you ready to be bald?

Today, Raymond shaved his head.  It was coming out in clumps in his hand from the chemo, so he decided to bite the bullet and let Jordan shave it. 

As per his promise, my sister's boyfriend, Guy, said he'll be shaving his also! We'll be wanting a picture of that, Guy Howie! LOL!! 

At this time in our life, our family is such a blessing! I don't know what we would do without you all.  Your thoughts and prayers have been seeing us through and giving us strength.  I can not thank you all enough and words can not express how much we love you all!

Ericka, Raymond wants to give his hair to "Locks of Love". How would we go about doing that... I remember your girls did that one year. 

Clearing up some confusion:

A few post ago, I had posted about Raymond having a breathing test and the doctor was concerned that his lungs were compromised because he was unable to do the first level of the test.  The CAT scan was actually negative for the lungs... meaning there is no cancer in his lungs! The CAT scan on his stomach was just done on his last day of the first round of chemo, so we'll find out the results of that tomorrow.

I'm sorry for any confusion and extra worry that this may have caused.

Tomorrow, he gets bloodwork done and additional labs to check on the progress of the first round of chemo.

I'll update tomorrow...

RAYMONDSHOPE MONTHLY FUNDRAISING EFFORT:

VERY IMPORTANT & SERIOUS POST 

Well, today is the day that I have to set my pride aside to do what is right for my son. I am a very independent person and do not like to ask for help. In fact, I will exhaust every avenue first before I do. But cancer is unforgiving and does not allow me the luxury of procrastinating and putting off what must be done.  

The state of Florida is still requesting information and waiting on medical records and whatever other red tape that they can come up with to put off approving Raymond's medicaid application. He had to resort to Polk County Health Plan which, as anyone on any county run insurance plan knows, pays for virtually nothing. They are not covering his pain medications, which the oncologist called in for a preauthorization for, nor one of his antinausea medications. Those two alone are $85.00 for a 10 day supply. He has 4 months worth of chemo to go through, which is causing migraine headaches and nausea as expected. Therefore, at $85.00/10 days for 4 months, we are looking at $1040 just for the meds.  As per my usual M.O, I am seeking other avenues to cover the meds such as placing an application for free or reduced meds through the manufacturers of them. However, in the meantime, my son is holding his head in pain. Anyone who has ever had a migraine can relate. The one nausea medication that the health plan does cover is helping some, but the oncologist said that the two nausea meds she prescribed really work in tandem to be the most effective. 

Another expense we are running into is the hospital bills that are starting to pour in already from the surgery and subsequent care since January. The chemotherapy and all related expenses are now being covered by Winter Haven Hospital, bless their souls! But the bills prior to chemotherapy are still our responsibility.

Then there is the transportation costs of getting to the treatments daily. He has finally gotten approved for Polk County Transit, which will take him from now on to his treatments and to his related medical appointments, but since January our neighbor, Paul Currie (another kind soul) and a friend, Dakkota Dudzik, have been our main sources of transportation. I have given both of them gas money when I can, but I'd really like to be able to fill each of their tanks at least once to show our gratitude.

Our air conditioner for the house needs a freon charge, but it's not broken so the landlord has suggested that we "get fans" to stay cool as he refuses to pay for what he considers "creature comforts". Under normal circumstances I would agree, but Raymond's chemo meds raise his core body temperature to begin with and we live in sunny Florida that is already peaking 80 degree temperatures most days. Therefore, on top of writhing in pain and feeling the nausea, he is also sweating bullets when he tries to rest... and he is extremely fatigued, as you can imagine.

Towards the goal of paying for all of the above plus whatever else comes up, and to alleviate the added pressure of financial strain, I have started a fundraiser to run for a month at a time called "Raymondshope." You can find the link at the top of the column to the right of the posts. I am very much hoping that I will only need the extra help for one month and that everything will fall into place with the other resources I am seeking. Lord knows, the economic times being what they are, not many of us can afford donations of any kind. Please consider helping my son financially if you are able, but if you are not, the page has a section called "Hugs" where you can just leave words of encouragement and even advice on who we can turn to for help during this trying time. 

And now, as I knew would happen, my cheeks are beginning to feel hot and my pride is a bit bruised and I am embarassed to be having to ask for any type of handout but, being a mother, we do anything necessary (within the constraints of the law and morality, of course) for our children.

Thank you so much for listening!

Post-chemo update...

Raymond got through the first 5-day cycle of chemotherapy.  He wasn't nauseated during those 5 days, but he is now.  He is also starting to lose his hair, which bums him out.

His grandma came to visit him on Saturday and he was so sick that he couldn't even stay out of bed. 

He is having migraine headaches every day. I'm assuming it's from the chemo drugs coursing through his body. The doctor prescribed him some pain meds, but the stupid insurance WellDyneRx is not covering it.  I've started a fundraiser to try to help alleviate the expenses of medicines that the insurance won't cover and transportation to and from treatment, etc. The link to the fundraiser is:
Raymondshope (Raymond's Hope)

It's Official....

Well, it's official. Raymond's chemotherapy starts on Monday @8:30am.

His pulmonary function test indicated that his lungs are not strong enough for one of the chemo drugs, so he has to do the other 2 chemo drugs 5 times/week for one week out of each month for 4 months. He has to do 4 cycles of the chemo.  

He was all irritated the other day, so I didn't bring it up to the doctor, but when I can get her by herself away from him, I'm going to ask her what the CAT scan of his lungs showed.  She seemed concerned. And she wanted to do CAT scan of his abdomen, but by this time, he was tired, irritated, and just wanted to go home. He promised me that he would let her do the abdomen CAT on Monday. She said she needs to get a "baseline" before the chemo starts.

So, keep him in your prayers especially this week. Pray that God give him the strength he needs to endure the coming week.

Already, I have to call Polk County Healthcare because they're not covering 2 of the 3 prescriptions that the doc wrote for him.  

Going to See the Surgeon for Follow up Consultation Today...

Well, today is the day I've been dreading.  We go see Raymond's surgeon.  The nurse kept calling and saying that it was "imperative" that we get in there for the follow up appointment, but then would reschedule if he hadn't heard anything about the insurance yet. 

This doctor is the one who told me that it did look malignant but he'd wait for the biopsy to tell for sure.

Needless to say, I'm nervous.

I'm thinking positive thoughts though.  I'll update you later.

Update after the doctor's appointment...

Yesterday, at the urologist, we were informed that traces of the cancer had been found in the blood vessels around where they removed the mass! 

That explains why they want to do the chemotherapy. We have to go to the hospital on Thursday for something they call a "pulmonary function" test.  He said that the chemo is rough on the lungs and they have to test to make sure they are strong enough. After that, they will schedule his chemo to start and it will be 3 days per week for 6 hours each time. I thought that the chemo was only once/week. I'm glad that Jordan is here to help me with him. He's not looking forward to it, obviously. Please send words of encouragement to him on his fb page (link is on the "Meet Raymond" page) or through comments here. 

Our half of the family is WAY MORE than the whole...

I've given it a week to see if any of Raymond's paternal side would either comment here, or get in touch with him. Nothing. No concern whatsoever from his dad's side of the family. Well, his dad pretty much wrote him off as soon as he was diagnosed with bipolar years ago. Raymond Young, Sr. doesn't tolerate anyone who is not perfect in his eyes. So, they've bickered back and forth over the years and Ray Sr. (sorry, Raymond Jr., it was my idea to name you after your dad.  Had I known how he'd really turn out....) told him to never contact him again. Nice dad, huh? That was my last attempt to contact any of them. They don't deserve to know how he's doing... and wouldn't care in the least anyways. 

Well, at least he knows his maternal family love him. His Grandma Carol was there with him the day of his surgery, his cousins Amy and Ericka have both contacted him via phone and fb... his Aunt Denise also, his Aunt Theresa sent her love through Maddi, whom he has also talked to on fb, and Jordan was not only there the day of his surgery, he's moved here with us to be with him. Aunt Tammy calls nearly every day, and is trying also to help find information regarding his cancer. And she wants to come here in June to be with him. 

I can put his dad's family out of my mind... I just hope that he can. I know it bothers him that his dad is so absent from him, but he also knows the Sr. is an ass so I think he's already come to terms with that. But Grandma & Pap Young, Kolten, Marissa, Uncle Blaine, Aunt Jewel, and Aunt Pam... they are a different story. He'd like to know that they care, or at least would like to think they do. 

He never reads this blog, and I didn't tell him that I sent out the link to the Youngs, so hopefully their non-response won't be something that weighs heavy on his heart.

Dr./medical update:  went to urologist on Wednesday, but somebody screwed up his appointment date and he had to reschedule.  New appointment is this Tuesday @ 10:15am. I'm a little worried because the nurse said it's "imperative" that he get with this Dr. Oommen, who is the one that did the surgery. When questioned on if it is something life threatening, she only said "any surgery needs follow up care." While that's understandable, it's not what I would call "imperative". However, by that time, Raymond had walked out because he was upset about the appointment screw up so she wouldn't say any more than that about it. I guess we'll find out on Tuesday.

I'll keep you posted (even though I'm still slightly suspicious that I'm talking to myself as I receive little to no feedback...).

I Reached Out...

Well, I sent a link to this blog to all of Raymond's family members in Pennsylvania. To the ones that I could find on Facebook, that is. His brother has hidden himself well. He has a facebook account, but is not even visible as a friend on his grandmother, wife, step-mom, aunts, uncles, or their friends lists. His name is Clayton John Young, he is a U.S. Marine-stationed in North Carolina to my knowledge, his wife's name is Sasha Young, and he is from New Castle Pennsylvania.  If anyone knows how to reach him, please send him a link to this blog. 

My nephew, Jordan, has moved in with us. It'll be a big help once Raymond starts his chemotherapy. Raymond enjoys his company, plus it gives him someone to hang out with that is his own age. I think it's important for his spirits to stay upbeat.

Having a hard time tonight...

Listening to some music tonight, thinking back over the 24 years that my life has been blessed with my son. I'm having a hard time because I hate the prospect of outliving him. Parents aren't supposed to outlive their children. It's not the balance of things. If anyone was gonna get cancer in this family, it should be me not him. 

Times like this is when I find myself questioning the fairness of life in general and, I must admit, my faith in God. I know He gives us tests our whole life to make us stronger and to remind us that He is almighty. But, damn it, if I fail this test, it's Raymond that loses the most! Is it really fair to him for God to be giving me this test? No, it isn't! If God wanted to test my faith by using cancer, then I should have been the one to get it, not Raymond, and I'm damn angry about it!! 

We see the urologist tomorrow. Not sure what wonderful, f-ing news we'll get from him. I know it won't be good news, if I keep questioning my faith like this so I better get off of here and go bend the good Lord's ear for awhile and make amends for my doubt before He takes it out on m son.

Well, good news and bad news...

Might as well give bad news first:

We went to the oncologist yesterday.  Raymond's cancer is a very aggressive type of cancer. He will have to undergo chemotherapy for 4 months @ 1 treatment per week. Regrettably, he will be very sick and tired for the next 4 months. We would love to read as many blog post comments as you care to post. Words of encouragement are always welcome. Prayers are even more welcome and are essential to get him through this.

Now for the good news:

His cancer, although aggressive, is completely curable. Thank you, Jesus!! It may even be that there isn't any cancer left in him, as the surgeon does believe that they got it all.  But, to be absolutely 100% positive that it's all gone, they're going ahead with the chemo. I'm choosing to believe that God has a plan for him and that Raymond is going through this to make him a stronger person in preparation for that. God knows each of our strengths and weaknesses, just like any father knows his children, and He never gives us more than we can handle. This is going to make Raymond stronger as a person, myself stronger as a mother, and the both of us will be better off for it. We just need moral support and prayers for all of you willing to give it.

Nothing New Today @ The Docs:

So, I thought today we would find something out about Raymond's cancer, but it was just an initial consultation with an internist. She is an internist but also a primary care physician. He goes back there in April, but Friday (this Friday) is his appointment for the biopsy results. So there will be a couple more sleepless nights.  

I'll keep you posted, of course...

I LOVE YOU, SONSHINE!!

+Raymond Young look at this...

+Raymond Young you need to start reading this blog. It is for you after all, you know!  Short post today, I have seminar in 10 minutes....

Son, you are someone special...
BELIEVE THAT! ♥

TODAY'S POST IS JUST FOR YOU. MINT!

Never, in a million years, would you guess what I found today!  Go ahead, I'll wait....

"Whistling while I wait"

"Did you guess, yet... no?"

STOP!!!!!

TIME'S UP! 

"Well, I DID say you'd never guess it...

SO 

(▼actually, click down here▼)

 GO AHEAD, PUSH THE BUTTON!"

Please Let The Prayer Chain Begin...

Raymond's next appointment is March 12th.  That is when we will find out exactly what is going on.  The biopsy results are in.  

I'm nervous and scared, but I can't show it.  Raymond has mentioned the appointment a few times, but then he quickly changes the subject.  That's how I know he is scared too.

I'm not sleeping very well.  Raymond is, though, and that's what is important.  He has been sleeping very peacefully since that Becca left.  She was too much to deal with at this stage in his life! Raymond is supposed to be dealing with his health and was arguing with her or trying to appease her every day instead.  Talk about pressure and bad vibes! I've been told that cancer patients should be in relatively peaceful atmospheres.   

Well anyways, she's not the subject of this post. Please send up those prayers!  We're gonna need them!

I'm going to try to sleep now.

Busy Day Today....

Not a whole lotta time to post today.  It's Tuesday which, in my household, means homework and deadline day.  Raymond is quietly playing his video games while I try to keep my animals from bothering me while I try to study.  The problem with that is A.) my animals are spoiled and expect 24/7 attention and B.) they are mischievious and are always getting into stuff (ok, by "they", I really mean GiGi in this instance, but I didn't want to point fingers and hurt his feelings! lol). Gigi is really something of a "techno-kitty".  He wants to sit on the arm of the couch as I type on the computer and bat at the moving "mouse" with his paw.  I wonder if he's thinking "now, THERE'S a better mousetrap!" 

As you can tell, I'm in a pretty good mood today.  That's because so is Raymond.  My moods, nine times out of ten, are reflections of how he is acting on any given day.  I suppose that's true of most moms, though.  A point to ponder, do we lose ourselves and our own individuality when we become mothers, or does becoming mothers define us as individuals? It's a thought that I am struggling with now that I may be facing losing that distinction. 

Oh, that thought just jarred my memory!  I need to go and make phone calls to Raymond's doctors and get him going on his appointments!!  

Bye for today... As always, thanks for listening....
chirp... chirp... chirp... (that's the sound of crickets.  judging by the amount of comments I receive daily, they are the only ones who are actually "listening" at all)

Another Day in the Life...

Every day is a new beginning only I never know if it'll be a good day or bad day.  Raymond's moods are more erratic now than ever.  He's always had the anger issues and the constant bouts of depression, but now they are more frequent.  That's one way that I can tell he is nervous about the whole ordeal. 

I showed him this blog today and, while he said he likes it, he also said it made him tear up.  Those who know him, know that he is very uncomfortable showing those kinds of emotions. He gets that from me.  I can not cry in front of people without feeling mortified and embarrassed. 

The blog page keeps giving me a warning that it's experiencing an error when trying to save this post.  It's just another issue of the day today, which hasn't been that great of a day.  So, I am going to copy this and paste it into a alternate page in case it doesn't save. I had issues with my homework tonight too, so it might be that my computer is the one with issues, but my frazzled nerves just can't handle it.

I think I'll add a little humor to the post today.  I think Raymond could use a smile and I know for a fact that I can stand to chuckle myself...

THIS IS HOW i FELT THIS MORNING...
not entierly sure the feeling passed.

I sure could use some words of encouragement

today...  

I think I need to add a playlist to this blog somehow.

For now, I'll Just insert the playlist in this post...Enjoy!

Jump to Video Link

Recipes: Tips for Better Health

Recipes: Tips for Better Health  (click title to view blog)

I just found this awesome blog site.  Looks like lots of yummy recipes.  Also has a post about cancer-fighting foods. I recommend this blog to anyone who likes good food and also those who wish to eat healthier.

Enjoy the blog, but I don't recommend going there if you're hungry!  

This was the last thing I expected to hear...

My son was diagnosed with testicular cancer on January 17, 2013.  I was completely and totally shocked.  He is only 24 years old.  He had surgery to remove the mass on January 25th. He's feeling a little better.  He still has pain, but not as intolerable as it was. He is trying to stay in high spirits, since we don't have the final diagnosis (benign or malignant).  He has an extremely good sense of humor and that is helping him to keep up a good front.  Being his mom, I know that inside he is fearful and unsure of what will happen next.  We can only take it a day at a time, pray, and put it in God's hands. 
Although the surgeon did say that it appears to be malignant, we're still keeping optimistic and praying that it is benign.  See, fibroid tumors run in my family so there is still a chance that the mass is no more than a fibroid or fatty tumor.  The surgeon assured us that he removed it all.  The only reason he would need to have chemo or radiation is if the biopsy reveals a malignancy.  *Fingers-crossed and eyes to Heaven*....

Here's my Sonshine, just this past summer, working hard to build me a pond....

  
And here he is being silly, like usual...

What makes this especially hard on him (as if the illness itself isn't hard enough), is that I called his Grandma Young (Jean Young of Ellwood City PA) to have her relay the message to his dad, who he hasn't spoken to in about 2 years.  His dad didn't even bother to contact him back.  They have been at odds for years, and his dad pretty much disowned him. Raymond hasn't lived his life the way his father thinks he should have, nor has he accomplished anything that they'd write about in the history books, so he's not worthy of being called "son" by Raymond A. Young,Sr. Despite this, Raymond still loves his dad and would like to have a chance to make things right and repair the relationship before it's too late.  What a sad testimonial to a young man's life when his own father can't swallow his pride and bury the hatchet to reunite with his son, given the circumstances.  Well, all I know is that Raymond and I have our differences, but this is one parent who will NEVER give up on him no matter what he says or does.  He is flesh of my flesh, blood of my blood and I'm very proud to call him my son! Life is too short to hold grudges against a loved one.